Emma - I thought this piece was super powerful and amazing. The situations you gave in which you see sexism are situations which I think most girls and women can relate to. Your writing was clear and to the point but it also showed a lot of emotion. I think this should be something everyone (especially people our age) should read. Great job!
I loved reading your piece! Your tone of voice as well as your layout was very effective, adding great power behind opinions. I like how you included an audio narration, making your piece all the more forceful with your tone of voice. It definitely helps to create a new look on the piece. I also like how you repeated "so the boys aren't distracted," greatly adding emphasis on a very important point. Your ending was very strong and precise, wrapping up your powerful piece on a determined note. Overall, your piece was very interesting, relatable, and effective for it left me wanting to rant some more. Nicely done!
Your honesty made this piece extremely effective. You didn’t shy away from issues that many people don’t want to talk or hear about, which is important because it’s often the things that no one wants to talk or hear about that need to be addressed. You didn’t hold your emotions back, yet at the same time, your arguments were clear, concise, and effective. It’s rare to find both of those things in the same piece. I appreciated that you mentioned Hispanic, African-American, and Asian women; asexual, gay, and trans women, and women in countries other than the U.S., as these groups are often ignored in pieces similar to yours. I also liked the line “Male privilege is so blatantly obvious everywhere that you barely have to look for it. And yet, whenever you call it out, someone is always there to sweep it under the rug.” It brings up an important point that perhaps the reason that male privilege sometimes goes unobserved is because of how obvious it is.
Wow. This piece somehow manages to enthrall me and deeply terrify me at the same time. Your descriptiveness regarding the anonymity of the city is amazing. It is a theme you continually come back to, Rachel is afraid of the city. But when she finally becomes an individual, she is prosecuted for it. The conflict between blending in because everyone else is and wanting to be different and be yourself is actually manifesting itself as insanity. this is a great piece and everyone should read it.
The ending surprised me so much. Woah. The way you wrote it was amazing and the first and last line went together so well. It was both eery and beautiful.
The chill is an ache deep in the marrow of my bones that comes as more of a comfort than anything else. Winter is unlike fall with its constant shifting and rustling of leaves. It is completely quite, completely serene. I stand here and see the world dripping with light and watch the cold turn my fingertips blue and I feel like nothing exists at all but the ache of cold air slipping through my lungs and puffing out in front of me in slivers of smoke. It's cold, desperately cold and I'll let the numbness spread through my body. And maybe then I'll be able to feel.
I really enjoyed ready your piece. I liked how it was short like a poem, but it seemed long like a story. I like how you repeat the word ache several times throughout it but not with the same context. You're last line is really powerful and sticks with the reader. I really like your piece and it takes a deeper meaning into Vermont winters, or just winter in general.
I loved this piece! At so many points while reading, I thought to myself, "Wow, this really captures the essence of Hallie!" I can absolutely picture you meeting each of the goals you mentioned, and many more as well. You did an excellent job outlining specific moments or experiences that have formed/influenced your ideas about the future, and I loved how your passion for certain things became so evident through your writing. Well done!
I really like this piece. You wrote your life goals very specific. Compare with you, I don't have any goals yet. The only thing I know about my future is I want to go to a college in a city too. I agree with you that countries are good but I like cities more maybe. Life always need change. I admire your braveness to go outside away home. Your piece is very detailed. I start to think about my future now.
This is really good. I could picture everything perfectly as I read, and I was gripped by the story from the first few lines. I love the imagery you included, like the description of the sunset at the beginning and the bounce of the phone cord after he slams it down. I thought your final two paragraphs were really interesting and moving. This whole piece was fascinating, not to mention really well-written.
You have this amazing writing voice. I was sad when it was over, because I really wanted to read more. You were very descriptive, but not too descriptive, which was perfect. I could see it in my head, which was really awesome. It was really amazing.
I really liked how honest you were in this piece. It’s interesting how much you can learn about someone from the things that are most important to them (which is probably the point of the prompt.) The ending summed up how you related the items from the box to your different characteristics, which I thought was a good way to conclude it. The last line was also interesting in that later on, you could feel completely different about which items would be most important to bring. And I very much agree with this. Within a few years, it’s possible that the items you chose now will no longer represent you.
I really liked this piece! The amount of detail was amazing and I could picture the entire story in my head as if I were watching a movie. The details about brushing the snow off of the bench was one that I particularly enjoyed. I think it was interesting how you wrote about a person who manages to see something new even in his daily routine.
Nice letter. You mention Bill McKibben. He got arrested today in relation to Exxon knowing about climate change for the past 30 years, and a protest he was involved in. Very timely that you mentioned him,
I just was able to read this today, and perfect timing, as Obama just denied the Keystone XL pipeline! This was really well phrased, and it clearly came from the heart. Nice use of quoting too. Awesome job!
That was really poetic and beautifully written. I like the subject matter. At first, I thought it was a weird topic but then you made it fascinating and beautiful and interesting. I feel different since having read this, in a good way. It's awesome.
Why I Need Feminism
ReplyDeletehttp://youngwritersproject.org/node/775
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteEmma - I thought this piece was super powerful and amazing. The situations you gave in which you see sexism are situations which I think most girls and women can relate to. Your writing was clear and to the point but it also showed a lot of emotion. I think this should be something everyone (especially people our age) should read. Great job!
DeleteI loved reading your piece! Your tone of voice as well as your layout was very effective, adding great power behind opinions. I like how you included an audio narration, making your piece all the more forceful with your tone of voice. It definitely helps to create a new look on the piece. I also like how you repeated "so the boys aren't distracted," greatly adding emphasis on a very important point. Your ending was very strong and precise, wrapping up your powerful piece on a determined note. Overall, your piece was very interesting, relatable, and effective for it left me wanting to rant some more. Nicely done!
Delete
DeleteYour honesty made this piece extremely effective. You didn’t shy away from issues that many people don’t want to talk or hear about, which is important because it’s often the things that no one wants to talk or hear about that need to be addressed. You didn’t hold your emotions back, yet at the same time, your arguments were clear, concise, and effective. It’s rare to find both of those things in the same piece.
I appreciated that you mentioned Hispanic, African-American, and Asian women; asexual, gay, and trans women, and women in countries other than the U.S., as these groups are often ignored in pieces similar to yours. I also liked the line “Male privilege is so blatantly obvious everywhere that you barely have to look for it. And yet, whenever you call it out, someone is always there to sweep it under the rug.” It brings up an important point that perhaps the reason that male privilege sometimes goes unobserved is because of how obvious it is.
Fear
ReplyDeletehttp://youngwritersproject.org/node/899
I like this line, Hannah:
DeleteIt feels like you're drowning above water.
Very nicely done.
That was really well-written and powerful. I like the part about holding the world on your pinky finger.
DeleteRachel: A Basement Apartment Whose Walls Can Speak
ReplyDeletehttp://youngwritersproject.org/node/944
Wow. This piece somehow manages to enthrall me and deeply terrify me at the same time. Your descriptiveness regarding the anonymity of the city is amazing. It is a theme you continually come back to, Rachel is afraid of the city. But when she finally becomes an individual, she is prosecuted for it. The conflict between blending in because everyone else is and wanting to be different and be yourself is actually manifesting itself as insanity. this is a great piece and everyone should read it.
DeleteThe ending surprised me so much. Woah. The way you wrote it was amazing and the first and last line went together so well. It was both eery and beautiful.
DeleteThe chill is an ache deep in the marrow of my bones that comes as more of a comfort than anything else. Winter is unlike fall with its constant shifting and rustling of leaves. It is completely quite, completely serene. I stand here and see the world dripping with light and watch the cold turn my fingertips blue and I feel like nothing exists at all but the ache of cold air slipping through my lungs and puffing out in front of me in slivers of smoke. It's cold, desperately cold and I'll let the numbness spread through my body. And maybe then I'll be able to feel.
ReplyDeleteThe prompt was my experience of winter.
Here is the link to this.
Deletehttp://youngwritersproject.org/blog/250
I really enjoyed ready your piece. I liked how it was short like a poem, but it seemed long like a story. I like how you repeat the word ache several times throughout it but not with the same context. You're last line is really powerful and sticks with the reader. I really like your piece and it takes a deeper meaning into Vermont winters, or just winter in general.
DeleteHere is the link to my piece: I think it will work
ReplyDeletehttp://youngwritersproject.org/node/1460
I loved this piece! At so many points while reading, I thought to myself, "Wow, this really captures the essence of Hallie!" I can absolutely picture you meeting each of the goals you mentioned, and many more as well. You did an excellent job outlining specific moments or experiences that have formed/influenced your ideas about the future, and I loved how your passion for certain things became so evident through your writing. Well done!
DeleteI think you had a great hook and I was very absorbed as soon as I started reading.
DeleteI really like this piece. You wrote your life goals very specific. Compare with you, I don't have any goals yet. The only thing I know about my future is I want to go to a college in a city too. I agree with you that countries are good but I like cities more maybe. Life always need change. I admire your braveness to go outside away home. Your piece is very detailed. I start to think about my future now.
Delete"7:56"
ReplyDeletehttp://youngwritersproject.org/node/1510
I responded to the "one-sided" prompt.
This is really good. I could picture everything perfectly as I read, and I was gripped by the story from the first few lines. I love the imagery you included, like the description of the sunset at the beginning and the bounce of the phone cord after he slams it down. I thought your final two paragraphs were really interesting and moving. This whole piece was fascinating, not to mention really well-written.
DeleteYou have this amazing writing voice. I was sad when it was over, because I really wanted to read more. You were very descriptive, but not too descriptive, which was perfect. I could see it in my head, which was really awesome. It was really amazing.
DeleteMe and my box
ReplyDeletehttp://youngwritersproject.org/node/1532
I really liked how honest you were in this piece. It’s interesting how much you can learn about someone from the things that are most important to them (which is probably the point of the prompt.) The ending summed up how you related the items from the box to your different characteristics, which I thought was a good way to conclude it. The last line was also interesting in that later on, you could feel completely different about which items would be most important to bring. And I very much agree with this. Within a few years, it’s possible that the items you chose now will no longer represent you.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteBeneath the Falling Leaves
ReplyDeleteHopefully this link will work: http://youngwritersproject.org/node/1552
I responded to the prompt, "Winter Tales." My piece is called "Goldfinch"
ReplyDeletehttp://youngwritersproject.org/node/1660
I really like your last line....
DeleteI really liked this piece! The amount of detail was amazing and I could picture the entire story in my head as if I were watching a movie. The details about brushing the snow off of the bench was one that I particularly enjoyed. I think it was interesting how you wrote about a person who manages to see something new even in his daily routine.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteA Message from a Teenage Girl
ReplyDeleteIn response to the prompt Climate-1
http://youngwritersproject.org/node/1658
Nice letter. You mention Bill McKibben. He got arrested today in relation to Exxon knowing about climate change for the past 30 years, and a protest he was involved in. Very timely that you mentioned him,
DeleteThis was such a well written letter. I liked how you responded to the prompt in a creative way and did not just express your views in an essay.
DeleteI just was able to read this today, and perfect timing, as Obama just denied the Keystone XL pipeline! This was really well phrased, and it clearly came from the heart. Nice use of quoting too. Awesome job!
DeleteHeartbeat
ReplyDeleteIn response to the prompt "Emotion"
http://youngwritersproject.org/node/1795
That was really poetic and beautifully written. I like the subject matter. At first, I thought it was a weird topic but then you made it fascinating and beautiful and interesting. I feel different since having read this, in a good way. It's awesome.
DeleteJonny and June: A Story of a Man and a Mermaid
ReplyDeletehttp://youngwritersproject.org/node/1821
This is sooooo cool. Wild ride from start to finish. Awesome job with the rhyming! This was fun to read.
DeleteThere's No Place Like Home?
ReplyDeletehttp://youngwritersproject.org/node/2197
I like this, Meaggie. I can see aspects of your own life in this fictional story.
DeleteSix Words
ReplyDeletehttp://youngwritersproject.org/node/2203
Lulu,
DeleteI really like the one about the rainbow. Very poetic!