Here is my Young Writers Project for second quarter. It was the eyes, chocolate brown and always searching, that warned me not to fall for this girl. I knew from the moment I saw her that she would ruin me. She looked at me like she would tear me to pieces, and I fell to my knees before her in surrender. “I love you,” I said. “I know,” she whispered like smoke against my lips. “I know because I can hear your heart beating and it says my name.” “Yes,” I told her and I couldn't tear my eyes away from her crude lips and midnight hair. She smiled and I was locked in her gaze, tangled in the whispering tresses of her hair. It was black as night, black as her soul, that I knew, no doubt, curled inside of her like smoke and fell out of her mouth as lies and deceit. It was those eyes though, chocolate brown and always searching, that warned me not to love such a woman as this. But as soon as I saw her, I was lost and there was no escaping it. That woman ruined me and I cannot regret it. She ripped my heart out with her bare hands and I lay here, bleeding and broken. “I love you. “ I whisper. “I know.” Her voice is smooth and thick and tastes like whiskey against my lips. She stands, and I see her grin that blood red smile as I listen to the click of her heels walking away. “They always do.”
Here is the link to see this on the site: http://youngwritersproject.org/node/1606
That's a really cool prompt, and how you replied to it was cool too. You didn't just include the eyes as a central focal point, but other things as well. You also seemed to continue the writing style of the prompt into your piece. It lends itself to your storytelling also. I also looked at the other answer to the prompt and it was much less detailed than yours. The way you included the prompt and carried its themes into the piece made it fun to read.
Hannah, I loved this prompt and the way that you responded to it! I really liked the line, "I know because I can hear your heart beating and it says my name." I could picture this image in my head and liked how cool, relaxed and poetic it sounded. The entire piece pulled my in as I read and I wanted to know more about the characters after reading. Good job!
That was incredible. I got a really strong image from it and now I want to draw it. The setting was interesting too. I think that sometimes there are those people who are light and hope, it really describes how I view a lot of people I'm close to. When they're there nothing can go wrong. I like it when complex emotions are told in a surreal way like this. I don't know if you intended symbolism but you sure did great!
Here is my piece. I wrote it on a prompt that needed to start with " as he quickly threw the black garbage..." Dumpster http://youngwritersproject.org/node/2650
This is a great piece! There's so much mystery involved -- through the amount of detail and background you included, you found the perfect balance between making the reader wonder about what's happening and helping them to not be confused. This prompt could be interpreted in so many ways, and how you chose to respond to it was very interesting and unexpected. I especially like your last line; it really makes me want to know more! Nicely done!
Woah. Hannah. That was so much darker that I pictured you would write. It was awesome! I feel like this could be a book, or at least a short story. There is so much I want to know, and so many ways to interpret this story. I'm going to be thinking about this for the rest of the night! Nice job.
This piece was so interesting! At the beginning I had no idea where it was going, and I have to stay I was still a bit confused by the end. It was a good confused, though, because it left me to wonder what this “thing” that can’t be seen really is. I really liked your repetitive lines, because it made everything much more dramatic. You were able to build up so much tension and this great sense of evilness throughout this piece- very creative.
This is a really interesting piece, and it captivated me right from the beginning. I like how you don't explain what is happening. We just have to guess what sort of things your character is referring to and what they are talking about. The style of this piece is very interesting; it feels almost conversational, but not quite, and it certainly holds the reader's attention.
This piece was captivating. I liked how it wasn't explicitly clear what the narrator was talking about. It was clear enough to understand their emotions and become invested in the story, but there was also a lot of mystery. My favorite part was your ending, particularly the repetition. The language you used also built a lot of tension. As a reader who was invested in the story, I wanted to know more, but from a writing standpoint, I think keeping it short made it extremely powerful.
That was really intense! I really liked the way that you used the second perspective, which isn't something you usually see. I also really liked your use of word repetition, especially in the last part. It oddly reminded me of the play we saw today called Blue. Overall, it was brilliant. The lack of information was captivating and created an amazing sense of mystery. Well done!
Here is the link to my second Young Writers' Project submission. I responded to the prompt "See," for which I needed to begin a short story with the line "Can't you see it?"
I really enjoyed reading your piece! The language used to describe the scene was very creative and interesting. I liked the image you created when you said, "the taxi wove its way through the intricate pattern of the city streets." Your piece left me to wonder which one I would prefer, which, I have to admit, I can't quite figure out. I loved how much detail you were able to include while not going over the top. The short story was descriptive but stayed right to the point. Nice job!
I really liked this piece. I loved the images in it and the fact that you were able to describe so much about such a short moment. Its very creative and interesting.
I really like your piece. The way you dissected and displayed different levels of description and detail was interesting. Especially since you had the the paragraph written out below. It almost looked like something out of an English textbook. I was wondering why you only separated three sentences. Anyway, very interesting piece.
I also liked your piece, Isabelle! The repetition was very interesting. It kind of created suspense and I was imagining that something terrible was about to happen. I was almost surprised when it didn't!
I really like your piece too. It is a very creative piece. I like how you repeat and expand every part and develop to a complete story. I was kind of surprised you put all of them together at the end but I really like it.
I responded to Week 25. Clouds: Imagine you have the ability to float up to and walk on clouds -- and not fall through. What do you do with this newfound power? My piece is called Facing reality. Here is the link. http://youngwritersproject.org/node/4132
Interesting piece, Alex. It would be awesome to have the power to fly. I love it when I have the "flying dream," but I probably haven't had it since I was young.
One question in my mind is what happens at the end. That wasn't totally clear to me. Can you revise and clarify?
Here is my Young Writers Project for second quarter.
ReplyDeleteIt was the eyes, chocolate brown and always searching, that warned me not to fall for this girl. I knew from the moment I saw her that she would ruin me. She looked at me like she would tear me to pieces, and I fell to my knees before her in surrender.
“I love you,” I said.
“I know,” she whispered like smoke against my lips. “I know because I can hear your heart beating and it says my name.”
“Yes,” I told her and I couldn't tear my eyes away from her crude lips and midnight hair. She smiled and I was locked in her gaze, tangled in the whispering tresses of her hair. It was black as night, black as her soul, that I knew, no doubt, curled inside of her like smoke and fell out of her mouth as lies and deceit.
It was those eyes though, chocolate brown and always searching, that warned me not to love such a woman as this. But as soon as I saw her, I was lost and there was no escaping it. That woman ruined me and I cannot regret it. She ripped my heart out with her bare hands and I lay here, bleeding and broken. “I love you. “ I whisper. “I know.” Her voice is smooth and thick and tastes like whiskey against my lips. She stands, and I see her grin that blood red smile as I listen to the click of her heels walking away. “They always do.”
Here is the link to see this on the site:
http://youngwritersproject.org/node/1606
That's a really cool prompt, and how you replied to it was cool too. You didn't just include the eyes as a central focal point, but other things as well. You also seemed to continue the writing style of the prompt into your piece. It lends itself to your storytelling also. I also looked at the other answer to the prompt and it was much less detailed than yours. The way you included the prompt and carried its themes into the piece made it fun to read.
DeleteHannah, I loved this prompt and the way that you responded to it! I really liked the line, "I know because I can hear your heart beating and it says my name." I could picture this image in my head and liked how cool, relaxed and poetic it sounded. The entire piece pulled my in as I read and I wanted to know more about the characters after reading. Good job!
DeleteI really like this. It didn't end how I expected, and I loved the line about how she ripped out his heart. Awesome!! This is really good.
DeleteThe Light
ReplyDeletehttp://youngwritersproject.org/node/2586
Your piece didn't go in the direction I thought it would, which was probably my favorite part. I also really enjoyed the last couple of sentences, it almost was cliché, but at the same time it really helped me understand the character in such a short piece. I almost thought that the girl or the original light seer was dying like she was seeing that light. I really liked how you showed the reader what was happening instead of telling us. It was a really good story.
DeleteThat was incredible. I got a really strong image from it and now I want to draw it. The setting was interesting too. I think that sometimes there are those people who are light and hope, it really describes how I view a lot of people I'm close to. When they're there nothing can go wrong. I like it when complex emotions are told in a surreal way like this. I don't know if you intended symbolism but you sure did great!
DeleteHere is my piece. I wrote it on a prompt that needed to start with " as he quickly threw the black garbage..."
ReplyDeleteDumpster
http://youngwritersproject.org/node/2650
This is a great piece! There's so much mystery involved -- through the amount of detail and background you included, you found the perfect balance between making the reader wonder about what's happening and helping them to not be confused. This prompt could be interpreted in so many ways, and how you chose to respond to it was very interesting and unexpected. I especially like your last line; it really makes me want to know more! Nicely done!
DeleteWoah. Hannah. That was so much darker that I pictured you would write. It was awesome! I feel like this could be a book, or at least a short story. There is so much I want to know, and so many ways to interpret this story. I'm going to be thinking about this for the rest of the night! Nice job.
DeleteHere's my YWP for the second quarter. I wrote for the prompt, 'Can't you see it?'
ReplyDeletehttp://youngwritersproject.org/node/3887
This piece was so interesting! At the beginning I had no idea where it was going, and I have to stay I was still a bit confused by the end. It was a good confused, though, because it left me to wonder what this “thing” that can’t be seen really is. I really liked your repetitive lines, because it made everything much more dramatic. You were able to build up so much tension and this great sense of evilness throughout this piece- very creative.
DeleteThis is a really interesting piece, and it captivated me right from the beginning. I like how you don't explain what is happening.
DeleteWe just have to guess what sort of things your character is referring to and what they are talking about. The style of this piece is very interesting; it feels almost conversational, but not quite, and it certainly holds the reader's attention.
This piece was captivating. I liked how it wasn't explicitly clear what the narrator was talking about. It was clear enough to understand their emotions and become invested in the story, but there was also a lot of mystery. My favorite part was your ending, particularly the repetition. The language you used also built a lot of tension. As a reader who was invested in the story, I wanted to know more, but from a writing standpoint, I think keeping it short made it extremely powerful.
DeleteThat was really intense! I really liked the way that you used the second perspective, which isn't something you usually see. I also really liked your use of word repetition, especially in the last part. It oddly reminded me of the play we saw today called Blue. Overall, it was brilliant. The lack of information was captivating and created an amazing sense of mystery. Well done!
DeleteHere is the link to my second Young Writers' Project submission. I responded to the prompt "See," for which I needed to begin a short story with the line "Can't you see it?"
ReplyDeletehttp://youngwritersproject.org/node/3911
I wrote my piece in the general category. It is titled "Taxis and Gardens and Calzones."
ReplyDeleteHere is the link: http://youngwritersproject.org/node/4053
It depends on my mood. I like a good slice, but a calzone can't be beat for a hardy meal.
DeleteI really enjoyed reading your piece! The language used to describe the scene was very creative and interesting. I liked the image you created when you said, "the taxi wove its way through the intricate pattern of the city streets." Your piece left me to wonder which one I would prefer, which, I have to admit, I can't quite figure out. I loved how much detail you were able to include while not going over the top. The short story was descriptive but stayed right to the point. Nice job!
DeleteI really liked this piece. I loved the images in it and the fact that you were able to describe so much about such a short moment. Its very creative and interesting.
DeleteTell me which images in it you liked. What made is so interesting for you?
DeleteI responded to the "Opening sentence exercise". My piece is called "She was wearing a black trench coat" http://youngwritersproject.org/node/4080
ReplyDeleteI really like your piece. The way you dissected and displayed different levels of description and detail was interesting. Especially since you had the the paragraph written out below. It almost looked like something out of an English textbook. I was wondering why you only separated three sentences. Anyway, very interesting piece.
DeleteI also liked your piece, Isabelle! The repetition was very interesting. It kind of created suspense and I was imagining that something terrible was about to happen. I was almost surprised when it didn't!
DeleteI really like your piece too. It is a very creative piece. I like how you repeat and expand every part and develop to a complete story. I was kind of surprised you put all of them together at the end but I really like it.
DeleteI responded to Week 25. Clouds: Imagine you have the ability to float up to and walk on clouds -- and not fall through. What do you do with this newfound power?
ReplyDeleteMy piece is called Facing reality. Here is the link.
http://youngwritersproject.org/node/4132
Interesting piece, Alex. It would be awesome to have the power to fly. I love it when I have the "flying dream," but I probably haven't had it since I was young.
ReplyDeleteOne question in my mind is what happens at the end. That wasn't totally clear to me. Can you revise and clarify?
I responded to "Resolution" where my piece is titled "My New Year's Resolution."
ReplyDeletehttp://youngwritersproject.org/node/4135
I also responded to "Resolution." My piece is titled "New Year, New Start."
ReplyDeletehttp://youngwritersproject.org/node/4171
I wrote in the General Writing category. My piece is called "A Love/Hate Relationship"
ReplyDeletehttp://youngwritersproject.org/node/4298
I wrote for the photo Veggies, my piece is called Mrs. Kaminsky: Just So
ReplyDeletehttp://youngwritersproject.org/node/4350
I wrote about week 17. It is called "A Pen".
ReplyDeletehttp://youngwritersproject.org/node/4393
Nice piece Lulu. I enjoyed the detail of the narrator examining the pen, looking for the hole, and being able to tell whose pen it really was.
Delete